Friday, January 19, 2007

I know God really loves me. Through the people he sends me, i can sense His love.

Thank you Miss Lum. I am really grateful to have you as my BS leader. Despite seldom chatting, i know i can trust you alot alot ALOT. I'm just so touched that you're spending your time with us and just talking to us. It means alot to me since i don't have a spiritual mentor and all.

Another thing.

The highly treasured friends of mine told me about the birthday party that they painstakingly planned just for my 15th birthday. When i heard it i was awestruck. I never knew that i meant so much to them that they'd be willing to sacrifice time money and effort to make my birthday a memorable one. An immense sense of heartfelt gratitude and love i felt for them. I was so touched up to the point of tearing. The whole day long, the main thought that was dominating my mind was the love they put into the party planning and everything. Despite the fact that the party's cancelled, to me, it doesn't matter. Because what matters to me is how i've been blessed by the grace of God with friends like these.

This is a far cry from where i was 2 years ago. Back then i was like so intimidated and fearful of making my friends unhappy. Resulting in me being so troubled by the simplest of things. Everyday without fail, i'd cry out to God in prayer. Asking me to deliver me from this nonsense. For a good half year, things continued looking bleak. I was so afraid as the days went by. But by God's grace, i broke out of the torture and now i finally understand why i had to go through that. Or the purpose of me going through that rather.

Because now, whenever i see my friends who encounter what i experienced then, i know how to relate and i know what kind of emotions they're going through. I can genuinely strike a chord with them. Using my past, i really hope that God will just empower me to reach out to those in need and touch them.

Through God's power, and not mine.

But i am sad to say that i am very guilty of neglecting my relationship with God. I admit that i took things forgranted. Worse, i took God forgranted. After delivering me from my troubles, (no doubt, i was very thankful to God but) i gradually grew to neglect God. Because my dark days were over, i often felt that there wasn't a need to pray so fervently anymore.

I speculated that God would forget me and leave me in the lurch because i am unworthy of His love. He proved me wrong. The whole birthday party issue is a classic example of what great friends God has blessed me with. Okay, let's not talk about the party. I'll just state how my friends have been encouraging me and cheering me up. How they've been by my side. How they've seen me at my worst and my best. No matter how i've treated God all this while, He never casted me aside and ignored me.

So now, when i face adversities, i know that my Daddy God is always there to brave the storms for me. And i know that even though i can't see the big picture, by faith, i know that God has a purpose for everything. Like Miss Lum said, using logic to comphrehend God will never work out. We need to live by faith. Faith. It's believing in something we cannot see or feel. Believing that God works for the good for those who love Him.

And i know i love my Daddy God.

Thank You Daddy God for sending people who love me, into my life, each and every one of them.
Thank You Daddy God for loving me.

P/S: It's kinda rare for me to be disclosing so much of my past and personal info on a public forum where anyone in the world who has internet access can view my blog and know my private life. But i just thought i wanted to share my true feelings this time around.

Not that i've been masking or putting up a facade whenever i blog but yeah, this time, this post is from deep deep deeeeep down.

And i know it's not yet the weekends, but i will be rather busy the next 2 days so yeah.

Yours truly.