Thursday, April 19, 2007

I have fallen.

Not literally.

Today was the first time i've felt this nervous during a ballet exam. When Sian hugged me, i was on the verge of bursting into tears. But i held back cos i couldn't possibly enter the studio with puffy eyes and ruldof's nose.

When i came out, again i held back my tears cos there were so many people in the prep room and it would be darn too embarrassing.

All this while, i secretly reproached myself. I danced miserably. Very miserably.

(A big heart to those who wished me all the best. Whether you shouted or whispered it, whether you gave me a hug or a smack or an encouraging thumbs up, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.)

What GraceD told me this morning hit me hard. I never knew. I never knew that i would see this in somebody i trusted and looked up to.

Maybe it's just me that's going wrong.

Everything's been in such a mess lately. And sadly, i'm entangled too. I'm exhausted. I don't dare think how things will go on in subsequently. I was and still am disappointed. I would give anything to reverse time and play it again. Differently this time.

I want LJ to work so i can do a private post.

I need to cry. Bye.